the religion
Many greatings mates! But lisen plaese, I´m become serios. In this moment the world have to much trouble for the religion. in the other words, the religion is make to the world alot of troubles. Never the less, there is to much trouble make by religion. So today I want speak about religions. Jah is tell to us always "no more fussin´ and fightin´ plaese" but we are not lissen. Just we keep making troubles and suiciding each other. I think is because we are not understand the other religions. Lars Ulrich sayed one day "all we need is a little understanding". I´m like Lars too much, but really is a bullshit. We need a big one.
When I was in the university of england, St. Giles internatonal, i was read too much books of religion. For this I want explain you. So if you will plaese mates, sit down and allow me explain you ...
Theer are 3 big religions in the world - Catolic, islamics and rastafari. this ones are the only impotants. Yes there are some small rubish ones in India and also there is a jewish, but is not popular, especialy in Italy.
Islamics:
Most of Islamics are fanatics. They are all come from islamabad that is in India. Somtimes can be craze but they have some ideas very good. For example the ugly womens must to cover the face. This is for the husband not be embarass. Like the jewish they are beleive not to wank the pig, and for one month, the Ramadan, they are only drink non-alcohol beer, for example Kaliber. Also is imposible for have a gay islamic. If an islamic is feel gay he must to see a doctor or change for hindu (very funny religion of India, turkey, Slovena etc)
Catolic:
For me Catolic is fuck best religion of the world, but pay atention I´m not a racism. In Italy all peoples is Catolic. Is ilegal for not be Catolic. For Catollic also is ilegal for have wank. Many Catolics are hate himselfs for this reason. I´m know one story of the priest in south africa that did shot a monkey that was wank in the church. Is true! the Catolics beleive to Jesus crist but they are prefer more Mary. For this reason they are diffrent to prosetants. Prosetants are beleive that Mary was a prostatute that was make sex with the Jesus. For me this is somthing very stupid and sickness. How can a man make sex with his mother and then his mother birth him? Is a fuck ridiculous!! Since recently the prosetants was replace the bible for a new book, very stupid, called "the da Vinci code". to be honestly, in Italy we say fuck to this book. is a shit.
Rastafari:
Finaly I and I want spaek about Rastafari. I´m forget to say you, i am rastafari and for me is fuck best religion. Very better then anothers. Allow me explain you.
The "central tenet" of rastafari is to smoke as many spliffs as posible in one day. More then 20 is acheive "Nirvana", a physical state of higher consciousness very nice where you are forget the ego - name, adress, date of birth etc. Most of rastafari are worship to Bob marley. of coarse everybody are know that Bob Marley was a regae singer very good but little peoples know also that he was the king of Ethiopia, a small iceland near to Jamaica. Some "rastafari" are worship to Peter Tosh becase he can smoke more spliffs then Marley. However this rastas are known like "non-beleivers" or "false jews" by the Marleyisms. there is one history very intresting about how bob Marley was die. Bob was die for cancer in the foot. In 1971 was the football match between team of Marley "the Reggae boyz", and one rubish team from British DJs of radio 1. Becaus the radio 1 are hate the reggae (racism), famos British DJ Danny Baker was tackle Bob Marley very hard and Marley was catch the cancer. For this reason today Baker is call "Rastashunter" or "Babylon Cocky Knee" by rastafari of the world. Today there is still "fatwah" in his head.
Mates. I hope you are learn many things. if you are know some more intrestings of the religion, plaese say me!
posted by Gianluca Di Milano @ 4:06 AM
31 Comments:
Gianluca, you impress me with your knowledge of world faiths. However, you have not mentioned much about the most fascinating religion of all - Jewism.
The followers of Jewism are by far the most interesting of all the religious animals. There are a number of different sup-species of Jewist. Allow me to elaborate....
THE MISERLY JEWIST
Miserly Jewists believe that the Torah is a set of commandments that forbids kindness, generosity and extravagance of any kind. They believe it is a 'Mitzvah' - or 'happy doing' - to earn loads of money but then spend absolutely none of it, especially not on non-Jewists ('Genitals').
How to identify a miserly Jewist - ask a person to buy you a pint. If he refuses, then he is a miserly Jewist.
Not to be confused with - Scots.
THE HALF-COCK JEWIST
A direct descendant of the Miserly Jewist. the Half-cock Jewist is characterised by its foreskin-bereft status. The removal of the foreskin was originally the idea of the miserly Jewist, for it was considered a way of keeping the cost of penile hygiene to an absolute bare minimum. Nowadays, half-cock Jewists continue the practice for purely aesthetic reasons. The removed foreskin is fashioned into a small hat that is worn on the crown of the head. This hat is known as a 'kipper', because of the similarity in smell that penis-flesh has to smoked herring.
How to identify a Half-cock Jewist - There are a number of ways to do this, most of them illegal.
Not to be confused with - Castrati; creatures with small penises (e.g. Chinese women)
THE GIANT-NOSED JEWIST
This striking breed of Jewist takes its name from the large, prominant beak that distinguishes it from other wildlife. This largeness of nose is the result of a torture method used by the E-gyppos on Jewist slaves. The method in question involved the injection of large amounts of growth serum into the nasal cartilage of every Jewist slave. As a result of subsequent genetic mutation, the enlarged nose became a hereditary feature of this breed.
During the middle ages, many giant-nosed Jewists went into partnership with miserly Jewists, offering their enormous nasal cavities as a place for the miserly Jewists to hide their money.
How to identify a giant-nosed Jewist - Look at a nose. If it is giant, then the thing that it is attached to is a giant-nosed Jewist.
Not to be confused with - Parrots.
There you are, Gianluca. Hope this information comes in handy when playing 'Guess the Jewist' with your mates.
Yours sincerely,
Professor Dave Racism-Wiggins PhD, DP, FFM,
Department of Wrong History,
The Ronnie Fuckstep Institute,
Bellend-by-Gobs,
Surrey,
France.
anonymous - good point. I´m to research in the bookshop but I´m think no. May be goat is ok. Haile selassie was reggae singer very good but I´m not like his new r n b sounds. is a little gay.
is you are likes to the badges?
or is you have likes to the spones?
Janlooka, mye whiff isz aah moozlomm annd shee duz noot lik waat yew szedd abott hurr reelidgjohnn. Eye thonk thaaht yoo ARR ahh rayszisstt. Andd ah cnut.
HRH Sir Ephesus Biffersdorf-Huxtable III, VC.
Peeyesz. Eye lik thee boodges anndd sponnzz.
I am not an insaniac and my name no is Mr Badges & Spoons, but I liek that you have likes to they!
badgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersbadgersmushroommushroom
Mushroom!
Mushroom!
It's quite sad that, after such an in-depth look at the current religious climate in the world from such a learned person, all I can add is random nonsense about moist fungus.
Sir Ephesus Biffersdorf-Huxtable III,
I´m not beleive you are marry with the islamic. is imposible for an islamic for to mary to a person such a stupid as you.
s.p. what is cnut?
Mr badge and spone
thanks you. You are must can to som kind of genius. my mates and me was watch and laugh and smoke weeds and watch and laugh a time again for 3 days and a half.
s.p. what is spone?
Gun strret girl and gregory surlyboy, thanks for your coments. is very nice. i´m think you are very inteligent because I´m look to your website and I´m not understand nothing.
Sir Ephesus Biffersdorf-Huxtable III,
I´m understand now. Is coconut?
Janlooka, iff yew doant no wahtt a cnut iss, then ewe mist bee kompleetlee stewpidd ahnnd tootahlee fahkinng gaye. Cnut.
HRH Sir Ephesus Biffersdorf-Huxtable III, VC.
yes plaese I'm like your website HRH Sir Ephesus Biffersdorf-Huxtable III, VC. Is a porns very strange no? And you're speling is a big improve. But still you are a coconut.
Janlooka, eye haff knevver bean a coocunt. Yew, onn thee uvver haahnndd, aarr aaandd allwheys whilll bee, ah cnut. Ewe arrh all-soh a toe-taahl wnaker.
Gianluca,
I must warn you of the existence of a dangerous sect, omitted from your list of world religions, whose secret operations are the ultimate cause of the current religious conflicts at which you so rightly grieve. Only by unmasking this group, whose diabolical machinations will, if unchecked, bring about global disaster on a truly apocalyptic scale, can we act to bring a measure of hope and freedom to the world. At this moment, as the world teeters on the brink of a terrible abyss, we have a simple choice: to fight or to lose all.
I refer, of course, to the Welsh.
Currently based in Canada, their operations are little regarded by the world media. Yet our complacency is their opportunity, for they are a deadly and implacable foe.
Their aims are astonishingly simple. They seek, and have always sought, with a terrifying singleness of purpose that, considered even in the most dispassionate manner, harrows the very soul, to establish a zone of cultural and political hegemony on the Westernmost part of the island of Britain.
Their best hope is to act by stealth; and they inveterately disguise themselves (normally posing as mimes, travel agency clerks, bakers, antique dealers). For the sake, then, of the struggle against these terrible adversaries – and it is a struggle that I do not foresee coming to its final issue in my lifetime – I append a list of the characteristics that, I have found, invariably betray the Welshman.
1. An immoderate and unconquerable propensity for sweet foods.
2. A singular skill at chess.
3. An instinctive loathing for the musicals of Andrew Lloyd Webber.
4. No Welshman is shorter than six foot.
The time for conciliation is long past. We must act now, swiftly and surely, or we must lose all.
God bless you.
Caradoc Ap-Rhys
thanks you Caradoc Ap-Rhys. I am hear about this Wales peoples before but I was not believe they are exist. Also my freind was tell me they have a very especial kind of pray that is sound a little gay for me. Is involve 9 men, with linking arms and legs and smelling an others testiculars, try to push an other 9 mens into the sea. is call a "scrumbag". Is true?
I write to you from a place of secrecy, for I have been under continual surveillance for these past nine years, necessitating a continual change of my place of abode. I fear for my own safety, not out of base motives of self-preservation, but because there are all too few of us who are aware of the full extent of the danger that confronts us. I may not have many further opportunities to edify you.
The practice to which you refer, known as the ‘scrum’, I have never actually witnessed, so jealously secretive are its practitioners. But I do believe that such things occur. I have also been informed that the blowing of wind instruments, and relentless and shameless choral singing, constitute important parts of the religion practiced by the Welsh. I would like to believe that this is not true, but little in the realms of depravity seems to be alien to them.
I bid you farewell. And I urge you to spread the knowledge of these things.
Your friend,
Caradoc.
Look you, Caradoc boy, we knows your ways and whereabouts, and we knows your doings. All friendly like we tell you to not worry yourself about your worries, boy. But you are talking this and that, so. Good luck to you Caradoc, my love; we have eyes and other eyes. Understand me, boy?
Dear Gianluca
You seem to be somewhat knowledgeable about religious matters, and I wonder if you could help me with a difficulty that I have had in that area of my life.
It is my custom, when rising each morning (normally at about 8.30 – I must confess I rise a little later on Saturday – I do allow myself that indulgence! – but I digress). It is my custom to peruse some verses of the Scriptures in the early morn, turning my thoughts heavenward before making my plunge into the world of workaday concerns and affairs. A couple of days ago, I came across the following verses.
‘If someone loses the hair of the scalp, this is baldness of the scalp but the person is clean. If he loses the hair off the from off the head, this is baldness of the forehead but the person is clean. If, however, a reddish white sore appears on scalp or forehead, a contagious skin-disease has broken out on the scalp or forehead. The priest will examine it, and if he finds a reddish-white swelling on scalp or forehead, looking like a contagious skin-disease, the person has such a disease: he is unclean. The priest will declare him unclean; he has a contagious skin-disease of the head.’
Now, I must confess, this passage gave me pause. I felt a very curious sensation – a sense that a new light was breaking in upon me – and re-read it, several times. There was a constriction and an expansion about my heart, and I saw with great clarity what it was I had to do.
Having disposed of the bodies, I returned that evening, and turned once again to the passage in question. However, I noticed (only then!) that it was followed immediately afterwards by the following verses.
‘Anyone with a contagious skin-disease will wear torn clothing and disordered hair; and will cover the upper lip and shout ‘Unclean, unclean.’ As long as the disease lasts, such a person will be unclean, and, being unclean, will live alone and live outside the camp.’
‘Oho’ I thought to myself. ‘Perhaps I have been somewhat hasty in making inferences. Oh deary me.’
What I would like to know is whether, in your opinion, the above account of my motives (which is, I assure you, entirely true) would be likely to stand up in a court of law?
Yours,
Sir Melvin Beste-Stalking.
Gianluca Gianluca Gianluca
Whats these things I am reading mother of God you are talking these crazy things to these crazy peoples my God I should break your head you stupid boy yes its me Father Gofredo here I meet your mamma after Mass last week and she tells me she is so proud because Gianluca is studying the english so much and is so clever he make a website on the computernet where he can practice english with his nice english friends so I think good for Gianluca I always thought he was such a stupid good for nothing ball-breaker so I think I will look at what he does and I look and see and think holy mary whats he saying I think he come to church all his life and he say these rubbishes and though I think he is a good boy what he says about the protestants because they think holy mother church is a rubbish I think as well that he say such stupid things about catolics that I feel like my head spin out the window and I think if his mamma could read english she would cry so much she is such a good lady and always comes to Mass and she make me such a nice cake last week and say thankyou to your mamma from Father Gofredo but I think if she could read these terribles that Gianluca write she would fall down dead so I write you now to say you stop all these or I tell your mamma and I write in english to say to these stupid englishes you stop writing to Gianluca he’s a good boy but he’s more stupid than the asshole of a pig
Sir Melvin Beste-Stalking, I'm think I'm not understand the all. Are you have die somebody??
If yes, is a terible. You must to call the pigs intermediately and ask Jah for a forgive. Is a very bad to die another mens (or womens). Remember the words of Bob Marley "War, what is good for? Absolutely nothing. Smoke the weeds is more better".
If no, then i'm not understand anythings that you are say and you are lose my time. please write more slowly in the future. thank you and good nights.
Father Gofredo, fuck! (sorry for swear) Plaese not to tell to my mother. But anywhere Father, i'm think you are a confusion. the person that is write all this shits is not me. is the other Gianluca. are you remember him? The boy very shit with the long hairs that was never go to the school, wank in the church, sniff the cokes etc etc etc. Also I was not say the bad news about the catholic. I was say very clear that is fuck best religion of the world (apart for Rastafari). Just I want to information the british peoples cos they are never go to the church. they are prefer drink alcohols and touch the asses of the ugly british womens in the "pub" (public convenience) or the disco evry sunday morning. I'm know father, is a terible. But the british peoples are very sickness.
Lars Ulrich sayed one day "all we need is a little understanding". I´m like Lars too much, but really is a bullshit.
Quoting Metallica in a religious debate, interesting, I like that.
But cannot I believe it? No. You forget biggest thing for Catolics which is to be gay sexing and, as you say in the Italian, "bambino noglicka".
Kind of sexing for offer in churches shown by stains on vicar or window like this clickey: godsexy
Is a silly to forget most important part of catolics. Also they having nuns to be dressing up as penguin birds so vicar and gay nuns know to be sexing on them. Is big secret that penguin birds most horny bird of all slut animals.
Anyways, is true that most catolics are gays because god came out when he feel guilty for drowning and peoples and made gay pride symbol in skys.
But most people a silly.
I'm feel a little jealousy, anonymous. I'm think you are more craze then me. But i'm like your stylish.
Is total nutmegs that are being religion. Too much thinking for their heads and too much confusion. This link showes intellectule discussion of nutmegs that make problem.
But ah. You have fogotton one religeon that decorate it world with too much pretty. Everyone should give joy to Jeseus for Hello Kitty we praying. Lick, lick.
What is this obsession with comparing yourself and other religions to homosexuality? Are you denying something? lol
Listen you have somewhat of a point about religion but I think you need to research something thoroughly before you make a broad statement about a matter you know little about. Google really helps you huh?!
So go ahead curse at me. That is your only defensive. So much for expanding your English.
L
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